Rollercoaster ride, need to get off?

Used to be more outgoing, happier and worry free with someone who loved me unconditionally but i could not fully return his love although he never made me sad. I let that go to pursue my true feelings and I am in worse shape. no endearing, ridicules, putdowns, abuse, hot and cold cant switch from cold to hot want to be myself again want to love me again, want to get into myself worth and hear the beautiful nothings i am used to hearing but i dont think i ever will again like i did before. want to just disappear in my sorrow and anxiety. i feel unpretty and unloved loved and alone. where do i start to get my smile back. this person makes me feel like a pitstop. I miss my old friend but he will never take me back. at least i was honest and told him i could not continue the relationship because he deserved better than i could give him.I freed him, hurt him, imprisoned myself.